I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
