my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
