Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
