just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
