Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
