now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
