She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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