are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
