to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
