He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
