don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
