I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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