well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
