Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
