her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
