exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
