a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
