I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
