A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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