my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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