My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
