Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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