I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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