Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
