did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
