i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
