she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
