Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
