apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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