I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
