You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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