for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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