i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
