I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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