I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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