how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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