I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
