i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
