so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize