Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
