I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
