You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my liver is dry heaving
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
