my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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