she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
