I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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