cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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