seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
