Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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