listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
