we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
