I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
