Non-Jews are for practice
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
