I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
