During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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