You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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