rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
