paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
