True but thats because hes a fetus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
