what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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