Me. At least after what I've been through.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
